Touch
by Vi Sign
Summary: Sasayan stops Natsume from killing her way to regret. AU, deviates from TnKk's side story. Warning: mentions of rape.


**characters/pair:** _ninja_ natsume/ _ninja_ sasayan  
**summary:** sasayan stops natsume from killing her way to regret. AU, deviates from TnKk's side story.  
**notes:** i absolutely suck at coming up with appropriate titles.

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Sasayan listens to heavy gasps as he holds the _kanzashi_-wielding hand of Natsume's tightly. The lord she had been about to slaughter moments ago has long escaped, blinded by powder and stumbling away in undignified screams along the village pathways. The disgraced lord had been lucky Sasayan was able to find them and stop Natsume before she takes his life.

Natsume's hand starts to shake uncontrollably and her grip loosens, which gives Sasayan the opportunity to pry her weapon off. She drops to her knees after he does, and Sasayan watches as she curls her hands into quivering fists.

"Y-you should have l-let me," she says in a tight, scratchy voice between heaves of breaths.

He does not say a word. Instead, he puts the _kanzashi _aside and out of her reach, careful not to touch its poisoned tip. He looks around for Natsume's other weapons, and is relieved to see her _kaiken_ still sheathed in her _obi_ and her _kunai_ still in her thigh holster from her hiked-up yukata.

Sasayan blushes at the indecency of his actions. He might be used to their partnership, but… Natsume is still a woman. He quickly forces the blush down, and shifts his attention to Natsume's well-being.

"_You should have let me kill him!"_ she screams as she pushes him away, and throws him a wild glare that makes him unsure of how to react. Natsume has always voiced her dislike of men; in fact, before she had come under Mizutani-sama, she had been an assassin specializing in seducing and killing men. She, however, has never expressed such fervent hatred for any until Lord Nishida. Sasayan cannot comprehend how different this man is to the others.

Sasayan expects more screams, and is stunned dumb when she covers her face and breaks into sobs. He panics. He could kill a man without blinking an eye, or scale a mountain range with nary a pant, but a crying woman is something else on a way different level.

"_I… I have to kill him,_" she struggles softly.

"He… he…"

She doesn't, _couldn't_ go on, but Sasayan sees the way she wraps her other arm around her torso and grips the fabric of her yukata, and the reason rings through his mind like an alarm.

They've been partners for a while now, and Sasayan has always been aware of Natsume's discomfort of the arrangement. It is only her loyalty to Mizutani-sama, their scholarly mistress and head of the Syoyo clan, however, that makes her agree to it, and so, they've been working together in the many espionage missions Mizutani-sama sent them.

Sasayan should have guessed. The signs were pretty obvious, and it should have occurred to Sasayan that something was off when Natsume becomes fidgety and never really herself the moment they had entered the village along with Mizutani-sama and Yoshida-san. He has always pride himself for his skill in seeing through the characters of anyone he sets his eye upon, and deciphering behaviours on the spot. He has always been good with people, but Natsume… Had he subconsciously lower his guard with her? He feels a horrible pit of guilt forming in his gut.

On impulse, Sasayan grabs the wrist holding her chest, mindful of his touch at the same time, and slips his fingers through hers, holding on firmly when she attempts to withdraw her hand. He ignores the hammering of his heart, and the gnawing protests at the back of his mind.

"I won't do anything more," he promises, and looks at her earnestly.

Natsume stops struggling, and releases the hand covering her face, teary eyes searching for the sincerity in Sasayan's. She drops her gaze when she does, hiding her face behind a curtain of undone hair. Sasayan knows she feels a sense of everything bad and nothing good, and wishes he could take away everything that is hurting her right there and then.

"He… had me drugged and kidnapped once I'm deemed marriageable… I didn't… He… had me tied down... and… and…" Natsume grips his hand hard. "… He made me… impure. I'm disgusting because of him."

Sasayan pushes her thick, wavy hair away from her face, and looks into her eyes again.

"That does not make me see less of you," he declares firmly. "You are still the caring, stupid airhead you are. And none less beautiful than you already are."

Natsume's eyes grow bigger, and he feels a rush of heat across his face. He musters all his resolve to continue.

"I don't care if you're… impure, as you've put it."

He gives her hand a little squeeze and gives her thumb a reassuring rub.

"I'm sorry you've been hurting. I'm sorry I didn't notice," he says softly.

He gives her a small smile before it turns a little sour.

"Natsume, you're a capable kunoichi, but you know we're not allowed to kill unless we have orders to do so," he says. "We both know you sick of taking lives, and that's why we're under Mizutani-sama."

More tears fall, and Sasayan swallows hard, but he presses on with his lecture. They are _ninjas_, and duties must always be placed above their own desires. Natsume needs to be reminded of that.

"Don't you treasure your relationship with Mizutani-sama? Don't do something troublesome like killing that lord and ruining the plans she had taken weeks to prepare. You know Mizutani-sama has an aversion to killing, and loathes even more if you disobey her direct orders. She might discharge you, you know?"

Natsume nods, and manages a small smile. Sasayan resists the urge to place a hand on her cheek. Holding her hand is already bad enough; Natsume might stay away from him forever if he does.

Sasayan sighs in mock exasperation to get a rile out of Natsume; he needs the normal Natsume back.

"Now we can't ever let you be seen in the presence of that dirtbag of a lord during Mizutani's negotiations," he rambles in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone, to hide his nerves. Anyone else would think he is just talking normally. "Not that Yoshida-san isn't a great _samurai…_"

He trails off when Natsume places _her _hands on either sides of his jaw. Her touch burns into his skin as he freezes. Natsume manages to surprise him again.

Sasayan flinches when Natsume's hold tightens as she pulls him nearer to her.

"Sasayan-kun, what will I do without you?" she whispers, her breath fanning out onto his face.

"You know how I feel about you," he answers, breathless from the proximity.

Natsume closes the distance.

* * *

**Terms to note:**

_Kanzashi – _A hair ornament.

_Kaiken _- A small dagger usually carried and hidden in the sleeves of clothing, or in Natsume's case, in the folds of her _obi_

_Kunai_ – A multi-purpose tool used by ninja. It can be used for scaling obstacles, smashing stuff, dig holes, stabbing, and so on.

**A/N:** Well, what do you think? Reviews would be sweet!


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